Atonement

Have you ever seen a movie you can't stop thinking about? I've only seen couple, in my entire life. One of them? Last night.
Atonement sounded compelling from the day I've read about it in the N.Y.Times and saw an add on TV. I enjoy war movies, especially wrapped around a love story.
It was all that, but very deep, with professional, natural acting, for the most part. I actually though that McAvoy was absolutely perfect at his role, while Knightley was good, really good. I still caught her acting couple of times. And that's a no-no. For example, the scene at the door (you'll know when you see this "must-see" movie:)She had her responses ready even before the main male character spoke.
Also,I think Redgrave was overrated as well. I'm sure she's a great actress, and she was good at her tiny role, but great? I don't think so.
Two other actresses,the blond girl and the same grown up, both with hard names to remember, were excellent at their performance.
The movie itself is a bit of a challenge to follow, while interesting at all times. It makes you think about how unjust the world and life can be. And why? Makes you think a lot about why? It also tricks you, spins you, which I love. For me, acting and the unexpected twists are the most important elements of a memorable movie. And this one reminds me of "The English patient" from 10 years ago. It is as good.
I predict it will swipe away the Oscars.

Christmas gifts and flaws

Sometimes I am so grateful for not having a job. Like today. I am absolutely exhausted.
Christmas was fun, as it is every year, but it's also tiring. My in-laws, as always, are very generous with gifts towards me. And they always pick stuff that keeps on giving, from my Christmas list. Such as a great gift card. Or the book I wanted. And many others.
Christmas lists are, actually, M.'s family's invention. And a great one, I may add.
I've been bugging my sister and her husband to make them as well. It is not easy to shop for my brother-in-law. I could use some help. When I ask my sister for it, she says: "I don't know. He never likes anything I buy him."
M. often doesn't like what I buy him, if there's any variation from the exact item on his list. For example, clothes. Or shoes. I dare you to buy M. shoes, or a sweater he likes. Even if it's the brand he's been wearing for decades, and a great style, he will still find a flaw. "They're not comfortable," he said for an excellent-looking pair of leather Aldo boots I bought him last year. They weren't cheap. He wore them once. Enough, so I can't return them. There they are, collecting dust in the closet. He still wears the ones he bought before I even met him- more than five and a half years ago. And they look like they're ready to retire.

Long night to D.C.

We decided to go down to D.C. this weekend, to spend Christmas with both our families. But, we still wanted to avoid traffic jams. At any cost. There's nothing worse than being stuck in the car, without being able to do anything about it. So we left at 5 a.m. Which means got up at 3:45.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time," is what M. often says. It was a good idea, for the most part. You see, we avoided big delays, but arrived in D.C. absolutely dead tired. So our arrival was like: "Hi, good to see you, where's the bed?"
We had a nap, which recuperated us, and still had the whole day ahead. Which is a plus. The minus? Except for the first Starbucks being closed, and M. driving at night tired?
Considering, we were lucky.

Charmin...g

As I was mourning Helga, I continued going to other auditions. I think I've read somewhere that the best way to get over something, is to go out there. So I went to three auditions in one day! I was really into getting over.
"Hi, I'm here to audition for Boom," I said.
"Are you Equity?" a woman at the sign up desk asked. I don't even know what that really means, but I know, I am not. "No."
"They didn't see anyone who's not Equity. But you can leave you headshot..."
So I did.
On my way to the other one, there was a guy off Broadway and 46Th, promoting Charmin.
"Clean bathrooms, please come in, " he was yelling at us. The blue and the red trail led to something that looked interesting. I could use the bathroom, I thought, and went in, up the escalator.
Upstairs? Unbelievable! There were people in masks dancing, the music was loud, pictures of those two Charmin bears everywhere, cute bear's paws leading you to a bathroom where you're supposed to try their "soft" or "strong" toilet paper and decide which one you like best. And they clean each bathroom after each person.
"Enjoy!," a young man said to me, smiling, before I went in. I was laughing out loud.
Couple of minutes later, there was a guy with a camera, asking me what do I think about this whole thing.
"Hilarius," I said, while the music was blasting in the back. Actually, it was Charmin's theme song.
"Why?" he asked.
And I said, as I was walking out:"Only in New York!"And I meant it!

Helga died tonight

Today is definitely not my day. I just wrote half of my post and ...deleted it.
What else?
I just found out that I didn't get the role I hoped for. The one over which I got my hopes up. Boy, was I wrong to do that!
I was just so perfect for it. I don't get it. How could he possibly find another, better for the role than me? I'm almost tempted to ask. What I'll do instead is ask my teacher to ask him what happened.
I can't wait to see Helga. I'll still see the show, of course. I'm not from the stone age. Though I am a Serb. Grudge-holders and all:)
In my mind I was already canceling the trip to Aruba. Telling people to come see me in this great play. Enjoying every minute of it. Sad, ha?
And this happens exactly at the time when I realize how much I enjoy my life. I was coming back from an audition today, for an extra in a movie, and thinking of how lucky I am to be able to pursue my dream without waiting on tables in New York, like other aspiring actors.
But I guess, in this city, nothing is easy to get- a job you're qualified for, a role you're perfect for. There's always someone better. Hopefully, not always.

City Crab disappoints, Copper Chimney holds the reputation

I'm afraid New York decided to be showy, cold, wintery and wet for a while. It is Christmas time after all. I love the snow, but none else of the above.
Our good friends from D.C. decided on their visit for this weekend, months and months ago. It wasn't the best weekend, except for Friday but what can you do. Winter weather, and weather in general, is hardly predictable.
We went to two restaurants--City Crab, which was overpriced and disappointing, and cozy, yummy Copper Chimney.
The overpriced mixed seafood plate didn't stop the cook to undercook the scallops and shrimp, though the crab cake was pretty tasty. The crab soup and the oysters were average. And all this after an hour of a wait! So not worth it. I guess location can compensate for the quality.
Copper Chimney on the other hand showed us to our table instantly and everything bit of the food we had was exceptionally good. However, the red cocktail my female friend and I had, was just o.k. Nor comparable to my, previously consumed at home, mixed berry martini. But overall, a positive experience, again, and we didn't feel ripped off, at all. And our friends loved it! Thumbs up!

Bipolar New York, where you have to eat in on weekends

New York City is either schizophrenic or suffers from a bipolar disorder. Yes, I watch way too much "Law and Order." It was snowing heavily yesterday and I woke up to a sunny day, without a single show flake around.
Actually, it's beautiful either way-white or warm. And so alive this time of the year.
Try shopping in New York in the middle of December. You would have to be on someone's head. All those famous shopping meccas, such as Macys or Gap, are so packed that you can't turn without bumping into someone. And don't even try walking along the Fifth for fun.
I tried to make a reservation in one of the most exciting restaurant M. and I discovered in this city-Pipa. Killer tapas,fancy, stylish decor-old, glace chandeliers hanging from everywhere, old mirrors on the walls, very dim lights, loud from talk, but with a great atmosphere.
"I'm sorry, but we don't have anything before 11:30," the hostess said.
"How about tomorrow?
"The same thing. But you can come, and there's approximately a half an hour wait."
I was curious: "So,when did all those people call for reservation?"
"Monday or Tuesday. That's when you have to call if you want a reservation for the weekend."
Well, that's New York for you. How could I forget?

Can Hilda be Serbian?

I finally had the audition I was looking forward to and fearing from, the whole month. It's the one role that conflicts with our trip to Aruba, but the one I really want. Now, who else would cancel the trip to Caribbean, just to work for free for three months?
The director is a well known New York theater director and teacher, who happens to be extremely nice. "I'm very interested," he said, after our short chat. You see, I wasn't doing a cold reading or monologue-ing, since all I say in the play is in German. And most of it is singing. But, in a production of T. Williams, by an accredited director in a well-known studio in New York, that is a huge deal!
He asked me if I speak German, can I sing, am I German..."You're accent is so close to German," he said. Finally, someone who appreciates my accent!
"I'm not German, but I look like one,"I said. "I'm Serbian."
I do believe I have a drop of German blood, from my Mom's father's side. So I said that. Of course!
"I'll call you in a week," he said, but that doesn't mean anything, except that he likes me, for the role. Hopefully, no one more German will show up. He's only casting his studio's students, which is only fair, and a great opportunity.

Soupman and NYFA

Are you a Seinfeld fan? Well, than you will like this post.
I went to a Soupman today, where I had a good, but not Seinfeld-amazing crab bisque.
It was also kind of pricey. I mean, it's a pick-up place, with only a few tables next to the door and no service, except behind the soups and the register. But yet, a bowl of this bisque was $11. You do get bread, a piece of fruit and a tiny chocolate with it as well. But, I really just wanted soup. I guess you pay for the celebrity.
So, this Soupman was on Broadway, between E. 13Th and E. Houston. I was hungry on my way back from the New York Film Academy, where I've just auditioned for a role in a student film. It was good, but I guess not great since they didn't say anything except"Thank you for coming." They did shoot the whole thing. It was an interesting practise because they asked me to improvise, for the first time during an audition.
That was only after reading the sides twice.
I was supposed to talk to my boss on the phone, and tell him that I'm not happy about him giving the job I wanted to another person, who's been with the firm for only six months. I thought I did a pretty good job. Considering. They just told me about the situation, and I did it, right away, without any thinking, any preparation. As I said, great exercise. It's exactly what we started doing in my class this month.
Also,walking for couple of hours today, it dawned on me how comfortable I feel in this city now. How fluent I am in it. I know where I'm going, I enjoy exploring it, I see places I recognize. It's a cozy feeling.

Christmas party season

M. and I went to out first Christmas party this year. It was in my acting studio.
The studio was decorated really well and with dim lights, it looked totally different than during classes. Actors-students and guests were, of course, fashionably late for hours. There was a variety of food people brought, including ourselves. You see, it was an American creation-potluck-so one doesn't have to do all the work, even as a host. I actually like this invention. It really takes a load of one person or a household, for bigger events.
So, M. and I talked to one of my former classmates.She's the only one I knew, not counting couple of teachers. We were also approached by a couple of boring people and barely escaped that with our lives. We did have a bite of almost anything there was--from pasta, lasagna, salads, pies,cookies,hummus...Oh, my God, it would be faster to say what we didn't taste. Ice cream?
It was kind of enough of everything after an hour and a half, but they summoned us into the stage-room , for raffle drawing. I never had much luck with lottery. Apparently, M. neither. But it was fun, funny and useful. The director spoke about the acting business in New York and gave us some useful tips.
None of my current acting friends came. I have no idea why. I was looking forward to introducing my teacher to M. as well. Maybe next year.

Seurat, auditions

I had another audition today, this time in my league-a student film. It was fun, and the best one I had so far. The audition itself was in the same neighborhood as the previous ones, but in a professional looking studio, with autographed headshots of real, famous actors on the walls.
The "casting agent" was also a screenplay writer, but because he was young and only getting into the business( I presume,) he was nice, gave me time of the day and the atmosphere was much more relaxed that previously. I didn't do the monologue, but read the "sides," which is acting vocabulary for the parts of the script you read during an audition. So I read, we talked, I read again and than he said he'll get back to me. The shoot, if he ever calls me back, will be outside of New York. But that's o.k. It would be fun, and a good experience.
As it happens, everything happens at the same time. I got a phone call for another student film just hours later. This audition is on Monday, also for an interesting, a pretty big role in a NYFA film.
So, keep your fingers crossed. It's good experience and, boy, do I need it!
On my way back from the audition, M. and I stopped at packed MoMA, to see Seurat.
I highly recommend the exhibition! His late work is amazing! I was stunned by his drawings from the family of "At the concert European," where he's drawn nightclub singers and the atmosphere in French clubs from late XIX century, with such insight. He's a symbolist, with the heightened use of mysticism. His best work was just before he died, at the age of 31, from diphtheria. It's amazing how much he was able to achieve in such a short life. What a waste.
So go, see it, now!

Bliss

I had an hour of Bliss yesterday. It's the most unbelievable spa in New York, one I've read about in magazines before moving here.
It's on the fourth floor of the fancy, trendy W hotel. When you walk in, everyone's smiling. The spa seems large-there are showers, steam and sauna, lockers, than my favorite-women's lounge. There, under the dim lights and relaxing music, you can have cheese and crackers, lemonade, tea, olives, cucumber and variety of delicious cookies, a much as you want. And read magazines, while munching.
This is where your aestetitian picks you up and takes you to an individual room for a treatment. The warm, cozy, anatomically shaped bed there is helping you relax as you enjoy your facial or a massage.
A Romanian woman did my facial. We chatted about Ceausescu and the communism, and the contemporary times. Things have not been much different there than in Serbia, historically. She did leave Romania over 25 years ago. Her accent was still strong.
She was surprised when she heard I was married. "Are you in school,?" she asked while massaging my face. "I got done with school recently and I'm looking for a job now." "How old are you, 21, 22?" That's when I started laughing while increasingly enjoying my treatment. They don't give you only the facial, but also an ego-enhancer.
"No, I wish, I'm a bit older that that," I smilingly answered.
She seemed genuinely stunned when I told her how young I am. Really, she did. I can tell when people are just giving you a compliment without meaning it.
I mean, I thought I look younger, but never that young. God, Bliss feels so good!

Tired, showy, lazy N.Y.C. day

The open call and the acting classes last night totally drained me. Plus, I didn't sleep well at all. So I woke up feeling sick, while healthy. I did have two auditions on my calendar today, but going to them, the way I was feeling, would not be fun, but a torture.
So instead I stayed in for half of the day, catching up with some bills and home errands, went to the gym where I read T.Williams, and then to TJ's for fun food shopping! I love TJs! Great food, courteous people, reasonable prices.
The 20 block chilly walk was sobering-I felt less tired after it.
I haven't taken that walk along the Third Avenue for a while. I forgot how much I enjoy it.
I've noticed how New York gets a certain Christmas charm even outside of the Fifth Avenue. One artfully decorated flower shop on my way, and the enlightened trees, made me want to buy an egg nog. And put on Sinatra and the Christmas tree.
Maybe tomorrow.

Freezing your way to casting

I never believed that I would wait an hour and a half to get to an open casting call. But, I did, today!
I wasn't even late, I got there exactly on time, and the line was nothing I've ever seen before. Worst than the Millionaire's. I swear!
"Is this what New York is all about? Long lines? Waiting?,"I kept asking myself. "I don't know if I'm cut out for it."
But I stayed. At first, because I had nothing better to do, and a caramel macchiato in my hand. Later, because I've already waited for almost an hour. But at exactly an hour into it, I got really close to the entrance.I couldn't feel my toes anymore.I was dressed warmly, but in about 35 to 38 degrees max, two pairs of socks can only do so much.
I wasn't freezing for nothing for an hour! So I stayed! I finally got in, filled the paperwork along with another 200 people, gave them my resume and the headshot, they took another two pics, and that was it!
They will call us when they need us! Did I mention it was for a casting agency that works for "Law and Order" and "Sex and the City?"
Don't get too excited, it's just for an extra. But, you never know...

Audition-Take Two

I've survived my second audition in this city crawling with wanna-be actors.
But this one was legitimate. When I walked in, I found a scene you all probably saw at least once on TV--a room filled with actors reading a book and waiting to get called.
"Do you need to sign up?" said a woman close to the door, couple of minutes after I've must have been looking lost. "Yes," I answered, thankful for the attention. "The sign up sheet is in the other room."
The first empty slot was 83. It was 12:30 p.m. And they were auditioning number 38.
So I put my name on the sheet, pack my bags and meet M. for lunch.
Two hours later, they're listening to the number 59. At least I wasn't late.
Looking for an empty seat in the packed waiting room, I spot this young, friendly looking girl and make my way there. Soon we start talking about the business and how competitive it is in this city. She's a professional actress, even has a M.F.A. in acting. This is all she does and how she supports herself. Very impressive, I thought. She's been doing so for seven years now and still cannot get an agent?!
"Can I see your resume," a Serb in me is rearing her nosy head. "Sure," she says, and the rest of the conversation was about how she got to be on "Law and Order."
"Wow, " I said, "that's all I wanna do!"
She's been kind in saying that it was just a tiny role, but to me, it sounded magical!
Her resume is impressive- a lot of theater, some TV...I felt like such an amateur.
Then I realized, most of the people in this room are probably as experienced as she is. What am I doing here ?????
But, I was already there. It was a long walk. It took me an hour just to get ready.
So, I'm not leaving without at least walking into the auditioning studio and saying my monologue. Even though I felt like finding a big hole and crawling into it.
So I did it! I walked in, said my monologue, thanked them and left. The panel of four people-two mid aged men and two youngsters were at the table. I was in front of them, in this large, more-less soundproof room. They didn't seemed impressed.
Still, I felt so good about myself leaving that place, despite knowing I'm not going to get the role. I did something I was afraid of. I also got so many advices from that nice actress I bugged. And I might actually be better next time!

Snowy New York

Winter finally came to New York. Not that I like winter, but I do like snow. I wish it could come without the cold.
I woke up to a white city, and it was snowing heavily and slowly throughout the day. But somehow, it all seems to be melting now. I guess N.Y.C. is after all too hot for snow. In every way possible.
This is my first snow-watching in New York. Unless I count a visit during winter of 2004. I don't remember watching it fall though, like today. And I certainly didn't feel home back then. In fact, I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing.
It just seemed like this huge, bright, the most alive city I've ever seen.
When I think back of three years ago, so many things have changed. And if anyone told me back then that I will watch the snow fall down on Manhattan from my own window, I'm not sure if I would believe.