Thank God for good vampires

My mother has been bugging me to have my blood tested for months. And a doctor I saw when I was sick in September mentioned that I should have my cholesterol checked every year. But I am terrified of needles. And pain. Just frightened of giving any amount of blood. My blood is supposed to be only in my veins, and that's where I would like for it to stay. But I caved in, since I've been tired lately, had probably too many headaches, and I feel sometimes like something is stuck in my throat. And it's not.
So I set it up with my wonderful brother-in-law, who's a Doctor, to come to the medical office where he works and have a check up.
An extremely pleasant, younger African-American man was joking with me, while braving me to take my blood. "This is going to be so easy for you, you have great veins! Can we take a picture of her veins?..." When he got inside my vein, I felt it, that sharp pinch, and that was it. But I knew that damn needle is still in there, inside of me. "Breath," he said. The next thing I remember, the tiny room was turning black and closing in on me.
"Put your head down and try to lift your body up," the lab assistant said. He also used the wet napkin to wipe whatever little makeup I had on me. He put some water on my head and neck. I kept putting my head down, between my legs, and up again. I had a chocolate. It didn't help much. "Would you like a banana?" he asked. "No, thank you, you're so nice to me, I don't wanna take your lunch," I said.
"Look, I have a banana, and I want to give it to you. O.K.? It's very nutritious."
I smiled. And took the banana. I didn't feel like eating. But if it would make me feel better...I had a half. I felt sick....
It seemed to me like I've been there for an hour trying not to faint, and get my head up again. Finally M. came to pick me up and bring me home. I stayed in bed for the rest of the day. I felt brainless.
I was hungry when I came to doctor's office, because that's what I thought I was supposed to be. Being claustrophobic, scared and hungry while giving blood, proved to be a bad combination. And I'm the only person who goes to a doctor healthy and comes out sick.
Thank God for extremely helpful people!I asked my brother-in-law to give one of the Swiss chocolates I brought for his kids, to the nice lab technician. After all, I did eat his lunch.

Naked Cowboy

I tried to go to three auditions yesterday. I write, tried, because on all three sites, there were about 40 people ahead of me, and the moderator told me to come back after lunch. I didn't feel like it since these studios are not that close to where I live, but are close to the Times Square. And don't really like Times Square. Subwaying back and forth, walking and still not being sure I'll be seen, since I'm not Equity...I didn't think so. So I left my headshots(like that would make any difference) and met M. for coffee, in a shape of a cupcake in Union Square.
On my way back from the last audition, I saw the Naked Cowboy. You must have heard about him, if not saw him. It's this guy who plays guitar in Times Square with only his cowboy hat, tidy-whites and cowboy boots on. LOL! People were obsessed with him, flashing pictures...I didn't spend much time there, because I don't like the Square,it's so crowded and flashy, I was on my way somewhere else and, the most importantly, it was cold! It couldn't have been more then 45F or about 7C at the time.Not exactly the underwear weather.
I asked M.: " Why do you think he's doing that? It' cold. I haven't noticed any place to put money..."
"Maybe he just likes the attention, "M.said. He certainly got plenty of that.
Maybe the city pays him?
Anyway, M. said: "Uh huh, what if I've told you I've seen the naked cowgirl..."
Well, let's just put it this way, mildly--I wouldn't be happy.
But, I swear, I wasn't looking, I just saw him...

Googled little me

My mother found a girl with the same last name as me, on skype, and she lives in New York State. She insisted, so I contacted her. My Mom, as sweet as she is, doesn't understand how big New York State actually is. Anyway, this whole thing prompted me to Google my name, and this is what I came up with. There are a lot of Marijas out there, but these are all about me. Pure egoism. Enjoy;-)))

http://www.glas-javnosti.co.yu/clanak/glas-javnosti-09-10-2007/kroz-objektiv-citalaca-glasa

http://128.11.143.113/Serbian/archive/2007-07/2007-07-28-voa7.cfm

http://www.knjizara.co.yu/index.php?gde=@http%3A//www.knjizara.co.yu/pls/sasa/knjizara.knjiga%3Fk_id%3D88136@

Pilot in Tribeca

I decided to go to an audition for a TV Pilot more than three weeks ago, as soon as I saw an ad for an open call. I knew there would be a lot of people, but I also knew, if I get there fairly early, I'll eventually be seen. I have that much experience.
So M. and I took the subway to Tribeca today. It was a freezing day in N.Y.C., but my mind was set on this Pilot. When we got there,I signed up as number 108. They were auditioning number 28 at the time. So M. and I went to get some coffee at Church lounge, M. read about somewhere. The lounge is amazing! New, fashionable, with an evening atmosphere and red lights at noon time. It's a bit pricey but worth it. When we got hungry, we decided to go to Petrarca across the street, and had great red house wine, mussels and grilled calamari salad. "Didn't we have thess exact meals last time,?" one of us, or both of us concluded after ordering our food. It was an easy choice from the lunch menu-tasty but not too filling, such as pasta would be.
We went back to the audition site, where they were auditioning number 66. So, we went back out again, walking around, checking out a cute home-store and had tea at a coffee place. When we came back, about an hour or so later, there was this huge line, inside, in front of the door to the casting director. I talked to the coordinator:" I'm sorry but we dropped the numbers when we realized, we won't get to everyone..."
Ridicilous, unprofessional people! I knew they're not going to get to everyone back at 11:30a.m! It was so unfair, but what can one do? They already formed this tight line, there was no order to it, just, what I call a "pushing" line. At a point, I realized that I might wait for another hour standing up, among people, hot, and still not be able to read for a part!So I gave them my headshot and resume and left.
Walking toward the subway, I wondered if I made a mistake. Maybe I should have waited? Why else the trip to Tribeca on a very cold day and waiting around, even if in nice restaurants and cafes. But I left. There's not much of a chance of getting one out of three younger roles, out of more then 200 people anyway! Still, I would've felt bad either, waiting like an idiot, or as I did, leaving.
I dropped the production company an e-mail. A nice one, but still informing them of what happened. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Let's see if they schedule another day, as they kept promising bac in Tribeca to disappointed actors...

White in-door day

I woke up to a heavy snow falling upon New York. The news were all about airport delays, and I was counting my blessings for not traveling today. Nina was fascinated by big, chunky show flakes, slamming our big, corner windows overlooking white Manhattan. She was, oh, way too cute to put in words, while trying to get'em.
I decided to have a fruitful day despite the weather. The show storm subsided and turned into some kind of rain. Icy rain, I presume. That's not fun. Melts beautiful, clean snow and makes everything slippery and dangerous. I'm a bit paranoid about falling on the street and first, embarrassing myself, then having to go back home and change, and God forbid, hurt myself.
Staying at home, writing, working out and reading seemed like a good idea, for a day like that.After all, I'll have plenty of time to sled and freeze tomorrow. I have an audition.

Poor Belgrade

I got very upsetting news from Serbia today. Some number of protestors against Kosovo's independence attacked and set fire to the U.S.Embassy in Belgrade, the same Embassy where I worked for three years and loved every minute of it. I felt sad, even sick about it, especially when my mother told me that they found a body inside. It was one of the protestors'. I guess one should not play with fire...
It's such an unfortunate situation. I hope the rest of the world doesn't see these kinds of attacks as strategy of all Serbs. Peacefull protests are fine, even expected. Serbia does have a legal right to Kosovo as a part of its own teritory. But to violence? Absolutely not. And against whom? Today, one Serb died. The MacDonalds' in Serbia belong to Serbs. Americans working in the Embassy with Serbs are friends. Often very good ones. And most of them love Serbia. Trashing Belgrade will not get Kosovo back. Nothing probably will. But it's everyone's right to show the world peacfully that it's making a mistake. Not but making a bigger one, though.

Writing, writing, yet again

Some of you might know that I used to write poetry. I haven't really done that basically since I met M. Coincidence? I don't know. Maybe I was just done with poetry after writing it since I was only an eight.
But what I always wanted to do is write the book. Not a book of poems, but a novel. Over time and thinking about it, I settled on actually writing a book of short stories. After all, my favorite writer of all times is Laza Lazarevic, who wrote amazing, heart-stopping, unforgettable short stories. I know I'm never going to write as good as he did, but I can do my best.
Somehow, while moving and adjusting to N.Y.C., my acting and job search, I forgot about my book. I did write couple of pages months ago. I have a pretty clear picture of where I want it to go, but I am still a "write what comes out of my head and into the keyboard" type of a writer, at the moment my fingers hit it. And, if I don't like what comes out, I alter it. Or delete.
When I get it all out of my head, I like to take another look or two, and put it in some kind of order.
This time, I came up with what I hope is an original concoction. Maybe I can write these historic stories, and alter them just a bit, change names, description, small stuff, and keep the real life, feelings, thought, acts. Maybe I can even translate the best of my poetry and add it, at the beginning, or at the end of each story or a chapter. Something like Tolstoy used to do. (I just came up with this.)But he used sayings to define a chapter.
Anyway, today after I came back from a lovely breakfast at the Intercontinental with my father-in-law, I felt inspired. I wrote for at least an hour. It seemed longer. But I was very happy with what came out.
So my new plan is to try writing every day. I can't do it at the desk, like normal people. I can however, like now, put my laptop on my lap, and all on the sofa, or take it to a cafe. That makes it fun and fruitful. I'm actually really looking forward to it.
And don't worry, it's nothing like my blog:)

I will not be a fool, period!

Not only that I fiercely responded to Extra Talent Agency partner's e-mail yesterday, I also wrote a letter to the editor of the magazine, in which I read about this agency.
He was nice enough to contact me today, apologize and ask me if he can contact this agency for comment.
At first, I was flattered. And glad. I mean, they deserve all the scrutiny and bad publicity they can get. But then, I started to worry a bit. I mean, they have my address. Also, could they sue ME? I don't think so, it's not a slander if it's true, right? On the other hand, this is the U.S.A. And, I really want that refund. It's my way of making them pay for what they haven't done. And my way of making me feel better about myself and my judgment. And less gullible.
So, I consulted M. I partly discussed my fears with the editor. And finally, said YES!
The truth is, as much as I hate to admit, I was upset about this whole thing. I don't know what in me screams for justice, even in smallest matters. Maybe it's not justice, maybe it's this incredible fear of being made into a fool. Of being used. In any sort of way. I think it has been manifested in different ways all throughout my life. Even if it happens to someone else, I always demand retribution. I just can't let things go. And I don't think I should.

Extra Talent Agency thieves

I got my hands on one of the Time Out New York copies,
on August 13, 2007. There was a series of interesting
articles about how to find a job in New York City. One
of them recommended Extra Talent Agency, for getting work as
an extra in movies and TV. Since I just moved to
N.Y.C. and was looking for a job with my recently
acquired Masters in broadcast journalism, I decided to
contact this agency, register and hopefully get some
work while looking for a more permanent job. After
about two months of not getting any jobs through Extra
Talent Agency, I decided to send a
$25 check, a fee they recommend their customers to
pay, for putting a picture and resume on their online
database. It says, on its Web site, that this is by
far the best way to get a job as an extra. So, not knowing any better at the time, I sent
that check on Oct.10, 2007. I kept checking its Web
site every couple of days, but my headshot and resume
weren't there. Then I contacted them about it. The
response was that the Web site is "under
construction."
On Nov.9, 2007 I realized that I've been a fool and
asked them not to cash my check and that I no longer
want their services, since they haven't really
performed any. They cashed my check on Dec. 28,
without ever putting my data on their Web site. When I
contacted them again about it, on Feb.14,a woman who
answered said that she doesn't know why my headshot is
not on their Web site. I asked for
a refund. She told me that at 3 p.m.
on a Thursday, no one from the accounting department,
that deals with these kinds of issues, is there. I
asked her to give the accounting people my message and
that after four months of not getting what I payed
for, I want my money back immediately. Nothing
happened days after that call. I
e-mailed and called again, not wanting to accept the
fact that I was duped by this so-called legitimate
agency and let it go. I'm just not a person who let's things "go." I knew New York is full of crooks, but since I read about this agency in the
Time Out New York magazine, I trusted them.
Today I received a condescending, threatening, and
mean-spirited e-mail from one of Extra Talent Agency's
partners, advising me to get out of acting, since it's
a tough business, and that if $25 means so much to me,
I ought to be in a different business. No apology.
Just, you'll get your refund, and you shouldn't have
disturbed us for such a small amount,the amount I
payed them, to do nothing..
If an agency asks you for money, any money, to put you
on its online database, don't do it. And stay away
from Extra Talent Agency. If they haven't been sued
already, it's going to happened any day now!

Unsettling Kosovo

I didn't think that Kosovo's independence will touch me, but it did. I mean, I knew it's going to happened. Still, seeing Albanians celebrating in my own country, with Albanian flags on Serbia's medieval ground, the center of what once was strong Serbian empire, didn't go down easy.
Also, I wasn't happy with the riots in Belgrade as well. I mean, we were there, at the Embassy just a year ago. And those Americans over there, working and living in Belgrade, are on the Serbian side. But I understand that Serbs had to protest. I just wish it were peacefully.
I've talked to some of my family and friends today, Serbs living here or in the motherland. No one is happy, everyone is worried. My friend told me that the atmosphere in Belgrade in ominous. And all this just weeks after Djokovic has won the Australian Open. Speaking of ups and downs for Serbs.

Hellish auditions

I just came back from an audition from hell!
Last week, I got three e-mails of invitations to this audition. It sounded promising. It's for a new sci-fi movie. Despite feeling lazy around 3 p.m., I got myself ready and on the subway.
I thought, it's going to be "in and out." I mean, I have the appointment at exactly 4:30p.m.
When I got there, there were another 30 people with the same appointment. Then a dark-skinned man, with a suit and the longest hair I have ever seen, up to his shoes and in a braid, came out, and started picking people randomly. Hello, there was a sign-in sheet!
"Is there anyone whom I've never seen before,?" he asked. That was my queue.
So I got inside the audition room, with a stage, along with another 10 people. We started doing monologues. Then, he brought this couple on the stage for a rehearsed scene.
At first, it was interesting. This blond woman was manhandling this guy. She was supposed to be some fantastic being or something. Anyway, after a while, they started simulating sex. Yes, it was weird. There was no nudity, not even real kisses, but it was a bit blushing to watch. Uncomfortable. For them. And a bit scary for me. Then another couple did the same scene. The noises and everything...Then another. When he gave me the same scene, I objected.
"I'm sorry but I'm not comfortable with this scene. Are you casting for anything else?"
I expected a NO. But...
"I'm glad you told me. The others just left."
Wow, I'm actually not getting kicked out for standing up for my principles. Instead I got this short scene, in which I am a reporter. It wasn't bad. There was however, a swear word in it, but I did put an effort to be there, so I ignored it.
After another half an hour of waiting outside, I did that scene, alone.
I was just o.k.
"Are you Union?" he asked. You know my answer to that.
"I am going to call you for a club scene."
I thanked him, and left. Happily.

Professional photo shoot

I finally had a professional photo shoot, for my headshots. I thought it was time. I mean, that agent told me a month or so ago that I need a better headshot. So I found this photographer in the actor's weekly newspaper, whose pictures looked good and the price was right.
Headshots in N.Y.C. can cost a lot of money. Three, four even five hundred dollars.
Of course, it depends on what you get, but all I actually wanted were the professional pictures. I can have them developed later, when I want, as many as I want, so I chose that kind of package. If I knew this would be only $99, I probably would have done it sooner. I mean, it makes all the difference. It's still me, but with a good light and in a good position, background...
It was somewhat of a chance to pick an ad out of hundreds and set it up. It turned out well, though. This woman is a professional photographer all right. She has the real studio, you know, penthouse type, with the lights and the cameras, and the makeup artist...She really knows what she's doing. For example, she told me to change my beautiful black and white BEBE blouse with a bow, because it would take attention from me. Well, I don't want that, do I. But I was a bit sad not to have a picture in my favorite clothes.
Second, she told me to take off some of the makeup. Looking natural is what agents want, apparently, from an actor. Also, at a point, she used a fan, to move my hair of of my face. I felt like a fashion model, with my hair flying around.
Anyway, it was quick, fun, and fruitful. Now I just need to decide which one of of 50I got, is the best, to become 8x10.
We'll see if it will make a difference. At least I can't say I haven't tried.

Those Park Avenue doctors...

I finally made myself go to a general practitioner. There's really nothing wrong with me. Well, at least not health-wise:). But I've been feeling tired lately, even when I'm not doing much. So, I thought, maybe I am anemic or something. I just wish they found a way to check one's blood without needles. Oh, well...maybe one happy day;)
When I entered this Park Avenue office, it didn't look Park Avenue at all. It looked modest. There was one older woman waiting and a Romanian check-in woman, with a very strong accent.
"I'm here for a check up."
She asked:"What's wrong with you."
"Nothing,I just wanted to have a regular check up. I haven't seen a doctor in a while."
Well, that was really a lie. I did see a dermatologist recently. And my brother-in-law, who's a doctor when I was sick coming back from Serbia. And a Serbian doctor in September...But neither one of them checked my blood. And I feel that if my cholesterol is fine, and the rest of it, I'm fine for another couple of years.
"Let me check with the doctor,"the Romanian woman said.
I guess they don't like "checking" healthy people.
Then another woman came down the stairs. Then another, coughing her lungs out. They all work there. No sign of the doctor though.
I was already regretting my decision when one of them said that I have to pay $350 of a deductible if I want to see this doctor.
I gladly took that queue.

White, timid New York City

New York is so beautiful when it's showing. We really didn't have much snow this winter. Some, yes, but it would melt right away. I guess N.Y.C. is too "hot" for snow.
This one is sticking. The city transformed today, into a clean, white, huge animal. It's seemed more timid now, less cruel.
Speaking of cruel, I had couple of auditions yesterday. The one I really went to, I did well, but the only female role is of a 50 year old woman. I still thought it was worth a shot. It's about this famous Serbian epic poem's hero-Marko. So I really, really wanted to be a part of it. And I did well. They laughed during my monologue. In a good way.
The other one turned out to be at the same time. I read some sides. I was o.k. Figured, it was worth a shot and I was more qualified to play a Chech girl anyway.
Oh, well, I guess we'll see. Have I mentioned that these are for the actual pay?

Mary Anderson in Ocean Grove, NJ

I was Mary Anderson multiple times last night in Ocean Grove, New Jersey. Russian Star too. Yes, I participated in these readings organized by a playwright, Larry Myers, in a little "Starving Artist" theater. How appropriate:)
It was actually better than I expected. Not only me, but the whole deal. There were four other actors there, plus a tiny audience and the playwright, of course. The flayer said he's "award winning." I hope that's true. I have never heard of him before.
But we made people laugh. And it wasn't boring. And I thought I did well.
M. was there with me. He knows me well, but he did say that I transformed the moment I was on stage. That feels good. Really good. And I can feel the transformation.
They "booked" me for another reading in N.Y.C. on March 21. Hopefully, there will be more people. And I'll be even better.
What I'm really hoping for is that this role will help me get a better one. And eventually, I can actually get paid for doing what I love.

My non-flat, too up-beat, happy voice, with a smile

I got a call from the director five minutes ago. The play, the readings are tomorrow evening. Only 24 hour heads up. And one rehearsal.
I was, deep down, hoping he won't call me at all. Maybe they found someone else, in New Jersey. Maybe it's canceled. But, he did call. And I already gave my word. Also, it is New York City. If you don't want to do nudity, plus you refuse to do non-nudity roles away from the city, it seems to me you need to go into another profession. Not that it didn't cross my mind.
I was skimmed some job ads today. I used to do it every day, but now...not as much. It gives me a headache. Almost anything can give me a headache.
I also had another audition today, this time only for my voice. In Serbian.
I picked Laza Lazarevic's stories. Off course. Sentimental value.
And the reading in the recording booth was good, until he said:"Can you do this more flat, less dynamic, less up and down... and with a smile?"
It's literature, for God's sake! I didn't bring the Financial Times in Serbian. Also, I don't do flat anything well. I did try.
At the end, I offered to come back with a newspaper article.More flat, you know.
He "played" me. He said he can use me doing Lazarevic. I thought, listening to it:"I really sound good. I don't' know what he's talking about."
Apparently, one can sound too happy. It doesn't sell well.

Rehearsal from Hell

I came out disappointed from my first rehearsal, for that role I got. The playwright and the director were both stingy on explanations, and they didn't seem to have their act together. I mean, at all.
It was three of us, all girls. Two of us received the same lines! And they were about two pages long. So there goes my wasted time memorizing it, and the headaches that go with it. It's not Shakespeare, you know, so you can use it anytime, for any audition. It's this contemporary playwrights, whose play isn't bad but it isn't great either. Also, I asked my teacher about him. She's been around. Never heard of him.
So, after an hour of two of them criticizing three of us, without giving us any directions before the rehearsal, we were supposed to schedule another one for...tonight. Never happened. Why? I have no clue. The readings are supposed to be on Saturday, and not in N.Y.C., but in New Jersey. They didn't tell us that either, not before we came to that rehearsal. I don't even know the exact location of the performance yet! They'll probably get back to me on that...on Saturday!
I'm just hoping that this lack of professionalism is not the staple of N.Y.C. acting scene. Have I mentioned that we are not getting paid?

Voters' pearls

I was volunteering for Obama's campaign again today, handing out fliers and talking to people close to a polling place on 33rd and Park.
Here are some "pearls" from today. I would say: "Hi, how are you, please support Barack Obama tonight.Thank you!"
And they would say:
-"I'll vote for You!"
-"If you give me a kiss!"
-"No, thank you, I don't like Muslims."
-"Can I get a hug? I'm a Republican, why don't you try to convert me?"
And you can guess, these were men. Women were much more focused, and concrete.
They said that they are either voting for Obama, Hillary, or they would just pretend I wasn't there!

Wet monologue

I had another "incognito" audition today. I call it that, because it's for belonging to a theater, not for a particular role.
This one was scheduled for 9:10 this morning, so despite the snow storm outside,I made my way out.
I took the subway(I almost wrote "metro."Apparently, here it's subway:) up to certain point and then walked. It wasn't a pleasant one. The snow was falling right into my eyes, and the wind made it impossible for me to defend myself with the umbrella.But I made it, half wet, still in one piece. I was thinking:"My monologue is going to be horrible. I didn't have any coffee, I'm so wet, and hurried..."
I was a bit late, 10 minutes or so. Luckily, it didn't matter.
This pleasant looking woman in her very late 30s or early 40s escorted me to a room. After a brief chat, I started warming up my monologue. And surprisingly, it was better than ever! Maybe I should always act early in the morning, and wet:) I guess it was just the experience I'm getting from the auditions and my acting classes. Also, it has to do with the level of confidence.
So, she said it was very good,and that we will definitely be in touch!This troupe has four productions a year. Things are looking well.

Tadic Won, now go Barack!

It was a good day!
Boris Tadic, the Democratic candidate for the president of Serbia won. So, my vote wasn't wasted after all.
I also joined Obama people in Midtown today, and distributed fliers, stickers and talked to the potential voters for a while. It was a whole new experience for me, and the one I've enjoyed. I felt like I was really doing something worth a while, making a tiny, but important difference.
Some people would talk to me about Obama or Hillary,some would say they are Republican, and some would just walk away without even acknowledging me. But that was o.k. I lived. And kept asking: "Are you voting on Tuesday?"
My hour or so with New Yorkers led me to believe that New York will be a battle field for Barack. As long as he wins it at the end, all's good with the world.

Tadic vs Nikolic, part II

I voted once again, today, in Serbian presidential elections. I find these very important, even more important for Serbia's future, than the American ones for America's future. I am pro Obama, as I am pro Tadic(current Serbian president and a Democrat), but I am more so con Nikolic(Radical Party's candidate and a total embarrassment), than con Clinton. Actually,.. let me rethink that.
I know that Tadic is well-respected here, as I heard the talk among Diplomats. Nikolic, on the other hand, would give Serbia a bad name, a really bad image in the world. Who would want to deal with a president who's party was once married to Milosevic.
So, I am hoping that my fellow Serbs can see that, and do the only right thing. Vote for Tadic. Maybe he didn't deliver everything people were hoping for, but at least, with him as Serbia's head, people will respect us, and open doors to us.

My first N.Y.C.role

I think I got my first role! Remember when I wrote about that audition on Saturday, when the director said he was very interested? Well, it seemed that this time he was telling the truth. After talking with and e-mailing his go-to-guy, I've received a script in the mail, as well as the rehearsal and performances' dates. I'm going to be Mary Anderson, an arrogant actress. How wonderful! And the monologue is very well written, interesting and hard on words and emotions. So, it's a challenge! How yummy:)
I'm just hoping that when I actually go to rehears, they are not going to make that into another elimination. The way things work here, nothing would surprise me.
But until then, I will be excited. And busy! The performances are on Feb.9 and 16.
I would invite you if I knew where. I guess the secretiveness is a prerequisite for a director in New York City.